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4 December 2001
[comics] Classic Spider-Man Television Series 1967-1970 — New Real Audio episode every Saturday… ‘This is a true icon of television and it captures the spirit, the feel and the smell of the 1960’s Lee / Ditko / Romita era of our favorite wallcrawler.’
3 December 2001
[watching] True Romance‘Wanna see what Spiderman number one looks like?’
[blogs] Who or what is the Orbyt Collective? ‘So, if you, the “readership” think that Team Orbyt are a bunch of twatsticks and chimneyfuckers, tell us what you’d do differently. Prove wrong the theory that weblogging occupies the time of those unable to write and those unable to edit. Make us better.’
[web] A Cunt Compendium … The Nathan Barley Extravaganza — All your favourite Cunts in one place. ‘The continuing adventures of a total wank stain.’ [Related: TVGoHome]

The most revolting Cunt I could find.

2 December 2001
[evil] Honestly, you haven’t Changed a Bit … an Observer Journalist meets her first love and profiles Friends Reunited‘…others take a darker view [of Friends Reunited]. ‘The majority of people leave school feeling like a failure,’ says Oliver James, clinical psychologist and author of Britain on the Couch . ‘They’ve failed academically, or on the sports field, or sexually. That’s why so many people have recurring dreams about school examinations – it’s a way of managing anxiety. These people may desire to return to the past, but this time they want it to be a different experience, a more positive one. To be given the opportunity to do that is obviously very attractive.’ Hence all the biographies on the FriendsReunited site in which people refer to the fact that they are no longer fat or spotty, and boast that they are happily married with two gorgeous children. These people are bolstering their self-esteem, something that school – and especially the horrid little beasts in the playground – singularly failed to do.’
1 December 2001
[film] This is so me… [via Meg]

Christopher Lee -- a modern master of horror!

If I was a James Bond villain, I would be Francisco Scaramanga.

I enjoy good food, monopolising the world’s energy supplies, and sex before assassinating people.

I am played by Christopher Lee in The Man with the Golden Gun.

Who would you be? James Bond Villain Personality Test


[king] The Fall of a Pop Impresario [Part 1 | Part 2] … Jon Ronson takes a break from the secret rulers of the world and spends a while with Jonathan King. ‘In mid-October 2001, I have coffee with Jonathan King’s brother, Andy. He’s just visited Jonathan in Belmarsh for the first time. “How is Jonathan doing?” I ask. “Great,” says Andy. “He seems really cheerful. Talking 10 to a dozen.” “Really?” I ask. “He’s wearing pink pyjamas as a silent protest,” Andy tells me. “He says it’s aesthetically reminiscent of the way gays were treated under the Nazis.”‘
30 November 2001
[film] My life as a scumbag … Iranian-British comedian Omid Djalili on what it’s like to be cast as a middle-eastern villian all the time. ‘And thus it all started, taking in all manner of Arab scumbag roles, the highlight of course having my genitalia manhandled by the late, great Ollie Reed in Gladiator in my favourite scene: “You sold me queer giraffes.” Of course, type-casting will always be a concern, but I did pop up in the last Bond film, The World Is Not Enough, in a ground-breaking role as an Azerbaijani oilpipe foreman – a major departure.’
[war] Bin Laden could be Time’s Person of the Year‘Matthew Felling of the Center for Media and Public Affairs said: “Previous choices have taught us not to attach moral value to the term ‘man.’ There is a reason Time does not use the term ‘Gentleman of the Year.’ Man of the Year is not an honor so much as it is a title; it doesn’t require an honorable person be named. Some years the biggest noise is applause ? some years it’s weeping. This choice would reflect that.” The historically significant men have been a motley crew since Time started naming them in 1927. Hitler was named Man of the Year in 1938. Joseph Stalin made the cover in 1939 and 1942, and Ayatollah Khomeini was on the front in 1979.’
[war] More from Luke Harding in the Guardian…

  • Allies direct the death rites of trapped Taliban fighters‘Last night a small group of up to 40 volunteers were still holed up in a house in the corner of the castle’s rambling compound. They signalled their presence with firework-like bursts of gunfire, just to remind their enemies crouching on the shadowy ramparts above them that they were not yet dead. After spending years killing their fellow Muslims, the Taliban’s Arab and Pakistani fighters have finally got the jihad they were looking for. The foreign volunteers – who surrendered on Saturday only to overpower their guards the following day – know they have hours to live.’
  • A tank roared in. It fired four rounds. Then there was silence in the fort‘Three Pakistani Taliban escaped from the 19th century fort on Monday night by scrambling out of a water channel. Two were shot dead immediately, but a third got as far as the nearby mud-walled village of Sar-i-Pool. There local people discovered him and killed him. He had some bread in his pocket, they said.’

[comics] Attack of the Condensed Comics Classics! Judge Dredd: ‘CITIZEN: Hello! (Fires Lawgiver into obvious perp twenty-five times) DREDD: Sometimes I feel bad about the fascist regime I perpetuate. (Fires Lawgiver into obvious perp twenty-five more times) DREDD: Sometimes I don’t.’

Hellblazer: ‘CONSTANTINE: Time for some cigs and a pint! DEMON FROM HELL: Hsst! Snarl! CONSTANTINE: Fuck, there goes another girlfriend.’

29 November 2001
[war] Dead Lie Crushed or Shot, in the Dust, in Ditches, Amid the Willows — Luke Harding’s reports from the massacre in Mazar-i-Sharif have been excellent over the last couple of days … ‘Beyond the gazebo, next to where the Taliban had set up a makeshift mortar factory, were the corpses of several well-off Arab volunteers. Unlike their Pakistani counterparts, dressed in flimsy salwar kameezes, the Arabs wore expensive fleece jackets and trousers. One Talib corpse sported a San Francisco 49ers football sweatshirt; another a zip-up Dolce & Gabbana top. Osama bin Laden’s fighters may have rejected the west’s relativist ideology, but not its fashions.’
[books] The Digested Read — Madonna by Andrew Morton‘Surprise success of first album – some songs weak, shock horror – then effortless meteoric rise to superstardom. Control freak, more failed affairs – “she’s very needy, she never stops ringing you” – abortions, Sean Penn, more albums, loads of celebs, sex. Did I mention she was a control freak? Career nosedives, resurrected by Norman Mailer, desperate to be Evita, desperate to be loved, more failed love – “she wasn’t very adventurous in bed” – more albums. Clunk, clunk, clunk.’
28 November 2001
[comics] Photoshop this comic book cover … from Oddball Comics. [via Haddock]

Dell's The Rifleman -- A mysterious bag holds the secret to an outlaw's past and a threat against Lucas and Mark McCain.

‘Y’know, I’ve heard the term “sportin’ a woody” before – but this… this… this is just plain ridiculous! And the expressions on the faces of Chuck Connors and Johnny Crawford just make things worse – or at least, funnier!’ [MORE]
27 November 2001
[school] Foe’s Reunited … confirms my feeling that Friends Reunited is evil and wrong. ‘Man’s greatest joy is to slay his enemy, plunder his riches, ride his steeds, see the tears of his loved ones and embrace his women.” – Genghis Khan’ [via Parallax View via Dutchbint]
[comics] The Dave Sim Memorial Note From The President Archive … has moved to a new home on the Cerebus Fangirl site. Example… Sim jousts with Judy: ‘She kept it up for a good long while, snappy repartee, brushing her boobs against my upper arm. As I told her, it was like trying to pick up lint with a magnet. A magnet is a very powerful attractor, but it is of no use if you want to get lint off your jacket. Finally, her eyes blazing, she looked me square in the eye and said, “Any man who is afraid of women is a wimp!” I looked her square in the eye and said, “Any man who isn’t wary of women is a fool.” I left shortly after.’
[911] New York may be a modern-day Babylon – but it doesn’t deserve the wrath of God — commentary based on Robert Crumb apparently thinking that the other buildings around Ground Zero should collapse into it and a farm should be built on the remains. ‘Crumb, who chose to retreat from his American Babylon to the French countryside, is not, so far as I know, a religious fundamentalist. His philosophy is a peculiar and wholly subjective patchwork of frustrated sexual fantasies, zany misanthropy, and 1960s hippy-dippy iconoclasm. But his anti-urban bias is shared by fundamentalists of various kinds. And so, possibly, are some of his frustrations. The ancient idea of the city as a harlot, as Sodom and Gomorrah, suggests a deep attraction as well as revulsion. It is perhaps not so very odd that some of the hijackers of September 11 caroused in Las Vegas before seeking their martyrdom.’
26 November 2001
[film] The Cold Shoulder — great interview with Thora Birch. ‘I fit in one more question before she signals it is time for me to go. I ask if movie acting feeds her soul. Somewhat chillingly, she answers, “They feed off each other.” I never get to meet her dad (‘He’s too busy’), nor do I get to use her lavatory (‘No, um. . . No. . . Our plumbing isn’t. . . it’s not good’). The urgency with which she wants me to go actually frightens me a little.’
[film] Great review of Apocalypse Now Redux‘What passion this film has – what mad daring, what ambition. And what have we got now? CGI. Apocalypse Now is supposed to be a film you grow out of. I can only say it’s time to grow back into it again.’

Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now


‘Never get out of the boat. Absolutely goddamn right. Unless you were goin’ all the way. Kurtz got off the boat. He split from the whole fuckin’ program.’
25 November 2001
[conspiracy] 911: What Now? … Nicely wrapped together collection of 911 conspiracy theories. ‘Ask yourself: “Who benefits? Who gains?” Well,” says David Icke, “The Illuminati want a world government and army, a world currency and centralized global financial dictatorship and control. They want micro-chipped people and a society based on constant surveillance of all kinds at all times. And they want a frightened, docile, subservient, people who give their power away to the authorities who can save them from what they have been manipulated to fear.” That pretty well nails it down.’ [via Robot Wisdom]
[tv] Richard and Judy: The Golden Couple — The Indepedent profiles Richard Madeley and Judy Finnegan… ‘When Richard Madeley ejaculates he prefers to rest his “equipment” for 25 minutes before attempting to make love with Judy Finnegan again. Or so he told the world in 1995. He has had a vasectomy, and her painful, irregular periods were the cause of a hysterectomy three years ago. This may be much more information than you need, but it represents only the tiniest sample of the personal details Richard and Judy have disclosed to the viewing public since they began presenting a live television programme called This Morning in 1988. There is nothing they won’t talk about on air, except her weight and the eight-year age gap between them. Richard is sleek, fastidious, endowed with long, shiny hair, and 45. His wife is 53, and frankly she looks it alongside her clean-cut, mane-tossing husband. She is also by far the sexier of the two.’
[comics] Big in Graphic Novels … reviews of some recently published GN’s. On Akira: ‘…Katsuhiro Otomo’s 2,000-page apocalyptic epic. Originally published in 1983 and still the finest example of the manga form, Akira ‘s vast, elaborate plot, destructive fetishism and realistic illustrative style contrast sharply with the cute, juvenile caricatures of earlier Japanese comic books.’
[humour] How to DRIVE FAST on DRUGS while getting your WING-WANG SQUEEZED and not SPILL YOUR DRINK by P.J. O’Rourke with illustrations by George Perez (?!) … ‘Name me, if you can, a better feeling than the one you get when you’re half a bottle of Chivas in the bag with a gram of coke up your nose, and a teen-age lovely pulling off her tube top in the next seat over while you’re going a hundred miles an hour down a suburban sidestreet. You’d have to watch the entire Mexican air force crash-land in a liquid petroleum gas storage facility to match this kind of thrill.’ [via Everlasting Blort]
24 November 2001
[cartoons] 3AM Magazine interviews Steve Bell and Martin Rowson … Rowson: ‘There’s a journalist, Christopher Hitchens, whom I greatly admire. Generally because the gaudiness of his prose matches his subject matter which is what we do as cartoonist. It’s very visceral. Very immediate. There’s a wonderful line which I take as my guiding star a wonderful line of overblown journalism which he wrote in his biography of Henry Kissinger ‘ One can never eat enough to vomit enough when one thinks about Henry Kissinger.’ I met Hitchens once and went over to him and said ‘let me shake your hand for that line.’ It’s that visceral response that as a cartoonist is what I am looking for. It’s what we should do. We have to go the extra leap. The extra five yards or whatever. Say the unacceptable.’ [via Feeling Listless]
[books] The Grip that Death could not Loosen … the mad incestuous attic stories of Virginia Andrews. ‘So, back to the attic children who have just had sex – they are both the spawn of sibling incest and engaged in sibling incest. Oh, and the widow has decided to poison them with arsenic, which makes them very pale, but still extremely attractive to one another. They realise their peril and escape, with one younger sibling (the other has died). They lead a full and unhappy life of mistreatment and suchlike. A rogue doctor has an affair with the girl sibling – it results in a pregnancy, he performs a quick DIY abortion and keeps the foetus in a jar on his desk for a laugh. In the end, the siblings marry at the age of about 50 – they pretend they are unrelated, of course. No good comes of it.’
23 November 2001
[comics] Guardian Books previews Jimmy Corrigan‘Bought up as an only child by an over-protective mother, with only his fantasies about superheroes for company, Jimmy is now a middle-aged loner working as an office dogsbody in Chicago. He has just received a letter from his estranged father, inviting him to spend Thanksgiving with him.’ [via Barbelith Underground]
[distractions] Check out:


22 November 2001
[comics] ACME Novelty Toy Gallery — photo gallery full of Chris Ware’s paper toys … ‘The nosecone later fell off and could not be found.’ [via Cheesedip]
[referrer] Lots of people searching for info about Jonathan King… here’s a link to his website. From the personal section: ‘I have a load of family and friends. Nothing too close, thank God. No appalling wives or children. They are so expensive and make a lot of unnecessary noise.’
21 November 2001
[tv] The Lady and the Vamp — beginners guide to Buffy … ‘…take a 16-year-old girl having sex with her boyfriend, whom she loves beyond measure, for the first time – so far, so Hollyoaks. Then factor in that the boyfriend is a vampire whose human soul has been restored by a Gypsy curse; also, that one moment’s perfect happiness (making lurve, say) will break the curse and turn him back into a vampire; that once he’s turned back into a vampire, he’ll be in possession of the blackest heart Vampworld has ever seen; that his first endeavour will be to kill the girl, in the cruellest manner he can dream up; and that he, alone among the undead, has the power to open the door between good and evil.’