25 February 2021
[fine] Work Reply Soundboard 👤💬 … A nicely done soundboard demonstrating a variety of moods at work. ‘Fine.’
1 September 2020
[work] Sound Of Colleagues … Go listen to relaxing office white noise.
21 November 2019
[work] Pointless work meetings ‘really a form of therapy’ … This article is from BBC News, not the Onion. ‘Many regular, internal meetings might seem entirely “pointless” to those taking part, says Prof Hall. But he says the real purpose of such meetings might be to assert the authority of an organisation, so that employees are reminded that they are part of it. Such meetings are not really about making any decisions, he says.’
8 May 2019
[work] Moderately Motivated Gen-Xer for Hire … ‘Candidate understands that individual contributions often have limited value in the wider context, and is content to follow orders with no grasp of said orders’ ultimate purpose or importance. Gratification on a severely delayed timetable is perfectly acceptable. Candidate is accustomed to a reporting structure that includes multiple redundant levels of management.’
13 September 2018
[work] conferencecall.biz Amusing conference call ennui generator. ‘Sorry – I was on mute.’
26 September 2017
[work] Potential Employee Uprising Quelled With Free Pizza … ‘The free Italian pies arrived approximately 20 minutes after a company-wide e-mail detailing upcoming cutbacks was sent out late Friday morning. “Everyone’s been fed up and ready to explode at management for weeks,” production designer Carolyn Wurster said. “But then all those pizzas showed up, and it just didn’t seem like the right time to start demanding a legitimate healthcare plan or salary raises that reflect the amount of work we do.” Added Wurster, “They ordered like 10 huge pies.”‘
27 May 2016
[work] Job candidate lists ‘desk where nobody can see my screen’ as deal breaker … ‘Cooper said, “I find that I work better on my own, and in as secluded a space as possible. When nobody can see me, or even if they don’t know I’m actually there, I achieve a Zen state of productivity and you can watch my output increase tenfold. It is not, repeat NOT about playing Minecraft on company time…”’
30 March 2016
[work] HR Sends Out Reminder Email About Not Scrawling ‘Revenge’ In Blood In Conference Room … ‘“Most of you are already familiar with this rule, but just as a refresher, it’s directly against company policy for an employee to use blood to write ‘revenge’ on the conference room walls, door, or table,” wrote Shumaker, emphasizing that it did not matter if the word was rendered in human or animal blood.’
3 February 2016
[work] Boss Wants Friendly, Relaxed Company Culture In Place By Friday … ‘He wants a relaxed, friendly company culture implemented by the end of the week, sources within the organization confirmed. “I don’t care how you make this a laid-back, fun place to work, just get it done, and get it done fast,” Abelson said during a meeting of the company’s various department heads, which is said to have begun with Abelson harshly reprimanding a client service manager for arriving five minutes late.’
7 February 2015
[life] Health Experts Recommend Standing Up At Desk, Leaving Office, Never Coming Back … some working life advice from The Onion … ‘We encourage Americans to experiment with stretching their legs by strolling across their office and leaving all their responsibilities behind forever just one time to see how much better they feel. People tend to become more productive, motivated, and happy almost immediately. We found that you can also really get the blood flowing by pairing this activity with hurling your staff ID across the parking lot.’
26 October 2014
[work] The Open-Office Trap … Why open plan offices don’t work … ‘Psychologically, the repercussions of open offices are relatively straightforward. Physical barriers have been closely linked to psychological privacy, and a sense of privacy boosts job performance. Open offices also remove an element of control, which can lead to feelings of helplessness. In a 2005 study that looked at organizations ranging from a Midwest auto supplier to a Southwest telecom firm, researchers found that the ability to control the environment had a significant effect on team cohesion and satisfaction. When workers couldn’t change the way that things looked, adjust the lighting and temperature, or choose how to conduct meetings, spirits plummeted.’
14 November 2013
[work] Hyperemployment, or the Exhausting Work of the Technology User … Whatever happened to Keynes idea of a Leisure Society? ‘The economic impact of hyperemployment is obviously different from that of underemployment, but some of the same emotional toll imbues both: a sense of inundation, of being trounced by demands whose completion yields only their continuance, and a feeling of resignation that any other scenario is likely or even possible. The only difference between the despair of hyperemployment and that of un- or under-employment is that the latter at least acknowledges itself as an substandard condition, while the former celebrates the hyperemployed’s purported freedom to “share” and “connect,” to do business more easily and effectively by doing jobs once left for others competence and compensation, from the convenience of your car or toilet.’
22 March 2012
Resume, references, password: Job seekers get asked in interviews to provide Facebook logins … ‘[Justin] Bassett, a New York City statistician, had just finished answering a few character questions when the interviewer turned to her computer to search for his Facebook page. But she couldn’t see his private profile. She turned back and asked him to hand over his login information. Bassett refused and withdrew his application, saying he didn’t want to work for a company that would seek such personal information. But as the job market steadily improves, other job candidates are confronting the same question from prospective employers, and some of them cannot afford to say no.’
25 March 2010
[work] Intranet Secrets … ‘Our most popular intranet blog post ever was a rant that complained about the queuing system at the supermarket next door. It had even more hits than when we announced the bonus payment.’
17 September 2009
[work] Does your e-mail reveal how productive you are? … ‘When analyzing managers, Cataphora tries to determine who is passing the digital buck. One tendency of a bad manager is to forward e-mails with questions like What do you think of this? rather than offering specific ideas or meaningful instructions. In contrast, certain people in the organization collect and then answer many of these open-ended queries. They seem to be the people who are really making decisions.’ [via As Above]
14 March 2009
[life] Why Systems Fail and Problems Sprout Anew … ‘Stated as succinctly as possible: the fundamental problem does not lie in any particular system but rather in systems as such. Salvation, if it is attainable at all, even partially, is to be sought in a deeper understanding of the ways of systems, not simply in a criticism of the errors of a particular system.’ [via Robot Wisdom]
15 February 2009
[funny] The Tiger Mike Memos … amusingly controlling management memos from an oil company in the 70’s …
19 December 2008
[work] Revealed: Amazon staff punished for being ill … ‘[Amazon] Staff were warned that days off for illness, nonattendance or lateness would result in “points” against them. Any sick days, even if justified by a doctor’s note, resulted in a point against the worker.’
30 September 2002
[distraction] Poo Price — find out how much going to the toilet costs your employers … ‘Why not try and squeeze one out right now ?? All you need to tell us is how much you earn a year and how long your working day is (we won’t record this, we don’t really care). As soon as you leave for your poo click Start, then when you’re back click Stop.’ [via UKBloggers]
5 September 2002
[office] Subject: Star Wars Figurines — another office email classic … ‘To the person (or persons) who finds it funny to repeatedly position my star wars figurines in inappropriate positions, please stop. The note I put there requesting this to NOT be done was not a challenge for you to do it again, or to see how grotesque and inappropriate you could get.’ [via Venkman]
16 August 2002
[memo] This Afternoons Events in the Restroom — a classic email from Internal Memos … ‘I understand from some of you that my recent indecency related arrest in Thailand seems to have clouded your judgement to illegal acts. Let me warn you that I am innocent and will prove so soon. This does not mean the office is a free for all.’ [via Haddock]