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31 January 2002
[911] David Icke on 911 …
- Alice in Wonderland and the WTC Disaster … ‘The predictability of the ritualistic, emotionless, reptilian mind can be seen in the news management that has followed this U.S. disaster. Look at what always happens in these circumstances and you will see that the blueprint is the same in almost every case. Before the event happens the fall-guy or “patsy” is already set up to take the blame, thus steering the public mind away from dangerous speculation and onto a pre-ordained target. After the Kennedy assassination it was Lee Harvey Oswald; after Oklahoma it was Timothy McVeigh; now it is Osama Bin Laden. Bin Laden, deeply misguided as he may be, is no more responsible for what happened this week than I am.’
- How it is possible to orchestrate and mastermind a terrorist attack without the terrorists themselves even knowing who is really behind it? … ‘The Illuminati do not represent a “side” or a “faction”. They CREATE the “sides” and the “factions” and they use them to manipulate the game of divide and rule and centralisation of global power. They operate within the Islamic world as they operate within the “western world”. So as the bigger pyramids envelope the smaller pyramids you reach a point in the structure where the same force is manipulating and organising the horrors in America while also manipulating and organising the RESPONSE to those horrors through their puppets such as Bush, Cheney, Powell, and Blair.’
29 January 2002
[wtf?!] The Heroes in Spandex Gallery! … ‘Everybody likes to dress up in costume, especially if there’s lots of spandex and superheroes involved! This is the place to show the world your new outfit! ‘ [via Metafilter] 
28 December 2001
[comment] Is Bin Laden a Pisces – or is he Cancer? … ‘So far there has been comparitively little debate about the fact that all the world’s astrologers appear to have missed any auspices pointing towards cataclysmic events and vast numbers of dead on a day which, it seems to be generally agreed, changed the course of history. While the security services were immediately condemned for their ignorance, the reputation of astrologers, who have no need of Arabic, bravery or subterfuge to interpret their celestial hints, has escaped intact, not even faintly stained by this awesome demonstration of occult incompetence. While the astrologers’ failure will not surprise anyone acquainted with the essential idiocy of their occupation, or deter the millions who rushed out to buy the predictions of Nostradamus after September 11, you might think it would lead to a little self-examination among practitioners. Not a bit.’
28 November 2001
[comics] Photoshop this comic book cover … from Oddball Comics. [via Haddock]  ‘Y’know, I’ve heard the term “sportin’ a woody” before – but this… this… this is just plain ridiculous! And the expressions on the faces of Chuck Connors and Johnny Crawford just make things worse – or at least, funnier!’ [ MORE]
9 November 2001
[tv] Turner’s Lost Love, CNN, Has A Doomsday Plan in the Can — great story on Ted Turner and CNN’s “end-of-the-world video”… ‘Turner, it seems, has been a doom-and-gloom kind of guy from the very day in June 1980 when he launched the cable network. He said then, as only he could, “We gonna go on air June 1, and we gonna stay on until the end of the world. When that time comes, we’ll cover it, play ‘Nearer, My God, to Thee,’ and sign off.” Ten years later, I’m told, Turner used CNN production facilities to create what he called his “end-of-the-world” video. Sources tell me it consists of a recording of “Nearer, My God,” over footage of a waving American flag. Turner is said to have ordered the tape locked away until it was determined that the world was about to end. “It was like a sign-off tape that you often see in the middle of the night,” says one source. “But to Ted, it was a sign-off forever.”‘ [via Follow Me Here]
8 November 2001
 [tea] Stupid Christmas Gift Ideas from LinkMachineGo… for the tea drinker in your family. ‘Your favorite sipping spot isn’t always equipped with a place to park your soggy tea bags. This 12 oz. ceramic mug has a built-in bag holder. use it to carry your fresh tea bag to a favorite spot, brew your tea, then tuck used bag into pocket and sip your tea while its hot.’ [via The Daily Chump]
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2 November 2001
[paul is dead] The Fool on the Hill … Did Paul McCartney expose himself on the Magical Mystery Tour film? ‘The zoom view clearly shows the left coat tail billowing up. There does seem to be a fairly clear image of his penis extending out from under it and pointing to his right at a slightly upward angle. The coloring really adds to the impression: the shaft is darker toned than the head which would be consistent with the coloring of the shaft and head (glans) of a penis. (Yes, unlike most British men, Paul is circumsized.)’ [ Related: Paul is Dead, link via Robot Wisdom]
23 October 2001
[wtf?] A long way from Ambridge — Afghan’s are addicted to a BBC World Service Soap opera based on The Archers… ‘The Afghans were very news hungry,” says Andrew Skuse, a social anthropologist who wrote his PhD on the success of the soap. “They really trusted the BBC. After years of abuse of the media under various regimes, the BBC was seen as more trustworthy than the national service. Some thought it was the national service. They hadn’t a clue where it was located. People would often tell me they thought the BBC was a village in Afghanistan”.’
17 October 2001
[big questions] Why is Snot Green? … From Notes and Queries. ‘I agree with Dr Powell that is is the enzymes in neutrophils that give snot its green colour. However, I thought this was due to another powerful antimicrobial agent, peroxidase. Incidentally, this is the same enzyme that gives wasabi its green colour – a lovely thought for the next time you’re in Yo Sushi!’
11 October 2001
[wtf? wtf? wtf?] Osama Has a New Friend — Wired on Evil Bert and Bin Laden … ‘Reuters photographs of a rally this week organized by Jaamiat-e-Talabaye Arabia, a radical Islamic organization, show that protesters created a pro-bin Laden sign out of a collage of photos they apparently lifted from Internet sites. But — is it fate or coincidence? — the sign featured a Bert muppet sitting on the left side of the man believed to be responsible for the bloodiest terrorist attack in U.S. history.’ [ Related: Bert is Evil, Metafilter and Fark Comments.]
7 September 2001
[wtf?] Some of Dale’s skirt pictures and Ahhh, those Hooters® girls — Skirtman is a website I’ve been meaning to blog since I began … ‘I used to belong to a Southern Baptist Church, but they had a real problem with men in skirts.’ [reminded by Blogjam]
28 July 2001
[mindfucking] Taming the multiverse — New Scientist on Parallel Universes… ‘In classical physics, [Deutsch] says, there is no such thing as “if”; the future is determined absolutely by the past. So there can be no free will. In the multiverse, however, there are alternatives; the quantum possibilities really happen. Free will might have a sensible definition, Deutsch thinks, because the alternatives don’t have to occur within equally large slices of the multiverse. “By making good choices, doing the right thing, we thicken the stack of universes in which versions of us live reasonable lives,” he says. “When you succeed, all the copies of you who made the same decision succeed too. What you do for the better increases the portion of the multiverse where good things happen.”‘ [ NOT Related: Crisis On Infinite Earths]
11 July 2001
[wtf?!] Evil Edna’s Top Ten Heart-Warming Moments “3. An atheist sees God in a burning bush. Dragging him to safety, the atheist is given the greatest gift of all…. faith.”Basil Brush’s Top Twenty-six Ways to Die ’16. Clive Barker’s favourite, having snakes made from a lunatic’s shit animated by an evil magician and invading your every orifice. Let’s hear it for Clive Barker, eh? 17. That magic flesh eating bacteria (nature beats Clive Barker).’ [via Seethru]
2 July 2001
[WTF?] Deeply weird… sexual situation involving chains and a Volkswagon…. ‘Case studies include “The Love Bug,” the weird tale of an airline pilot who sought gratification by running around in the nude while chained to the back of a Volkswagen rigged to drive in slow circles. Called to the scene when a fisherman stumbled upon the grisly tableau, stunned policemen found the pilot’s naked body smashed against the car’s left rear fender. Cops theorized the victim had been trying to turn off the ignition when the chain began wrapping around the axle, crushing him to death.’ [via Venusberg]
20 June 2001
[WTF?] Did Emlyn Hughes call his kids Emlyn and Emma Lynn? ‘Are you able to confirm this and are there any other instances of footballing parents with the imagination of a brick?’
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15 June 2001
[distraction] Freaky Moving Circles… Weird! [Cheers Andy]
16 May 2001
[falling knob?] Urban Myth — Does C3PO have a “oversized penis” on A Star Wars trading card? ‘The current theory is that at the exact instant the photo was snapped, a piece fell off the Threepio costume, and just happened to line up in such a way as to suggest a bawdy image. The original contact sheets from the photo-shoot attests to this. They are not retouched in any way, yet still contain the same image.’ [via Fark]
4 May 2001
[distractions] You are… The Surrealist Link. ‘You are the most gutless cassock. Goodbye!’
2 May 2001
[cats] WTF? Cat Milk? ‘At 59p for 200ml, cat milk is just about the same price per litre as cheap white wine. It may or may not be true that destitute people sometimes resort to eating dog food, but putting cat milk in your coffee would be an extravagance. Not that you would want to. There is a weird off-whiteness to the stuff that actually makes you think twice about giving it to the cat. Test subject Kipper found it palatable enough at first, but ended up leaving most of it in the bowl. It’s hard to tell whether he thought it tasted too much like milk, or not enough. Kipper, it should be said, is an uncommonly stupid cat, and being hit by a car last year did nothing to raise his IQ. His opinion in this matter is almost worthless.’
12 April 2001
[wtf?] Only on the Internet… ‘I’m not a Nazi’ Swastika Gallery. ‘The Swastikas in this gallery are related to Buddhists, ancient Greeks, Native Americans, Boy Scouts, street gangs, Nazis, homosexuals, and more… what a great variety of people to invite to a party! So why include Nazi Swastikas? As insane and dangerous as the Nazis were, you gotta admit they looked cool! They lost the war, but they won the fashion show. What other army’s officers wore full length black leather trench coats, high black boots and riding crops?’ [via Hate Male]
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10 April 2001
[redmond rose] This lady really wants to help Bill Gates… ‘My Angel want’s Bill Gates to leave Microsoft. He is trying to protect you Bill. He want me to help you, but I need to get paid. Remember when I did the satellite research for you? I am just the porthole–the messenger. He doesn’t like the company and friends you keep. I’ve been channeling for you for 10 years. I told you–Microsoft is haunted. That is the real reason for the Moebius in your software. We need to put some of these ghost to rest. That is why I’m here. All you have to do to end this is apologize and pay restitution.’ [cheers, PB]
9 April 2001
[666] Is Prince Charles a 12 foot tall telepathic Lizard? No. He is the Anti-Christ. ‘And the beast which I saw was like a leopard, and his feet were like those of a bear, and his mouth like the mouth of a lion. And the dragon gave him his power and his throne and great authority.’ [thanks Phil]
7 April 2001
[lizards] Beset By Lizards [ Part 1] [ Part 2] — Jon Ronson on David Icke. ‘…so far, to the coalition’s bafflement, Mulroney had declined to initiate legal action. Indeed, every individual accused of reptilian paedophilia by David Icke had so far failed to sue, including Bob Hope, George Bush, George Bush Jr, Ted Heath, the Rothschild family, Boxcar Willie, the Queen of England, the Queen Mother, Prince Philip, Kris Kristofferson, Al Gore and the steering committee of the Bilderberg Group. “Why do you think that is?” David Icke had asked me when I interviewed him about this matter in London. Then he turned to my notepad and thundered, “Come on, Ted Heath! Sue me if you’ve got nothing to hide! Come on, George Bush! I’m ready! Sue me! I’m naming names! Come on, Jon? Why are they refusing to sue me?” There was a silence. “Because they are twelve-foot lizards?” I suggested, smally. “Yes!” said David. “Exactly!”‘
[songs] Eugene Mirman — songs from Eugene, the marvelous crooning child. [via WEF via Plastic]
4 April 2001
[urban myth] Pickled Penis — Is John Dillinger’s 23 inch penis stored at a museum in Washington? ‘The bulge in the center of the photo (Dillinger’s arm) was supposedly mistaken by contemporary viewers of fuzzy newspaper photos for his penis, thus starting the tale of an incredibly well-endowed John Dillinger. (How he managed to die in a fully erect state was a question the public either didn’t ponder or else attributed to some rather strange misunderstandings about the process of rigor mortis.)’ [kinda via Blogadoon]
28 March 2001
[conspiracy] It comes as no surprise that David Icke has plenty to report on the Foot and Mouth Crisis… ‘Here we have yet more evidence that the Foot and Mouth “crisis” has been manufactured from the start. The question is…did the UK government call these timber merchants because they already knew that there was an outbreak long before it was officially revealed, or because they knew one was about to start through artificial means? I strongly suspect the latter to say the least.’ [ Related Link: Foot-and-mouth ‘cover up’ denied]
22 March 2001
[distraction] If you want a serious laugh check out… Cliff Yablonski Hates You. ‘jesus christ, you whiny little bitches need to go out and get a life for gods sake. all I get is “WAH, CLIFF, UPDATE YOUR PAGE, IM TIRED OF JACKING OFF TO THE ABC NEWS ALL DAY, WAH, UPDATE YOUR PAGE.” fuck you all. I hate you. Ive updated my fucking page, so shut the hell up you mongrel bastards.’
21 March 2001
[masons] The Guardian profiles the Freemasons who have just hired a PR company to try and improve their image… ‘The editor of The Square, “the independent magazine for freemasons”, devotes his editorial in this month’s issue to the important question: “To eat or not to eat”. “Any masonic group which sought to eliminate my choice of whether I dine or not can do without my presence,” he thunders in a vigorous defence of the “festive board” against the “Nazis of the masonic world” who want it reduced or eliminated. It is, he explains, “one of the big topics of conversation in masonic circles”.’ [ Related Link: The Grand Lodge of England Website]
13 March 2001
 Shoved through the letterbox… the answer to all my crippling emotional problems?
7 March 2001
[words] According to Everything2 these are the twelve most powerful words in the english language: YOU, MONEY, SAVE, NEW, EASY, LOVE, DISCOVERY, RESULTS, HEALTH, PROVEN, GUARANTEE, FREE.
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5 March 2001
[moz] The death of Diana predicted in Morrisey’s music… ‘Morrissey’s lyrics to THERE IS A LIGHT THAT NEVER GOES OUT from THE QUEEN IS DEAD concern: two people on a date at night in the city driving in a car fantasizing about getting killed in a car crash gripped by fear in an underpass. Over a decade later we have Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed: two people on a date at night in the city driving in a car getting killed in a car crash in an underpass.’ [via Barbelith Underground]
19 February 2001
[fantasy tv] Ali G interviews Optimus Prime ‘Is that why this fight started then, because Galva-whatsit called your mum a slag?’
15 February 2001
[WTF] Ananova covers the important issues of the day… Woman has Nokia surgically removed from bottom. ‘Doctors at Taipei Medical University hospital said she had been playing sex games with her boyfriend. Hospital spokeswoman Elaine Weng said staff were wondering why they had used the mobile as a sex toy. She said: “We guessed it’s because some cellphones have a vibrating function.”‘
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5 February 2001
[infinite fanboys] I have not got the time to investigate this archive of Internet Fan Fiction… but it looks pretty comprehensive. If you find any amusing / sick / insightful fan fiction let me know…
4 February 2001
[norfolk] According to to the Sunday Times Norfolk is new playground of the rich. ‘But the north Norfolk coast is emerging as the rural retreat of choice for the monied classes, providing for London’s elite what the Hamptons of Long Island offers New Yorkers. Drawn to the bracing sea air, quaint villages and fresh seafood, the urban wealthy are colonising the area, sending house prices soaring and spawning a proliferation of designer boutiques and delicatessens. Indeed, the lure of Blakeney, Wells-next-the-Sea and Burnham Market has become so strong that some of America’s glitterati have forsaken the Hamptons for a trip to Norfolk.’
30 January 2001
[conspiracy] The World According to David Icke — when not dealing with the global illuminati, lizard shapeshifting conspiracy, David Icke is still a football pundit. Icke on Michael Owen: ‘Knowing comes from the subconscious, so the ball is in the net before the conscious mind can think. I am sure that the best goal scorers will tell you how their body often reacts almost by itself when opportunity knocks and they don’t think about taking the chance, they just take it: Chance. Bang. Goal. That’s the subconscious. The cold, calculated computer that doesn’t bother itself with things like emotion or fear of failure. It is a mental version of Star Trek’s Mr Spock. This level is the guvnor when we are in a mental state of knowing rather than thinking.’ [via Disinfomation]
20 December 2000
[conspiracy] What is a crazyveigh? ‘The truth must be told! I’m sorry, Timothy, but I can’t be quiet anymore! The reason Timothy has been quiet for so long is because the day he was arrested, A microscopic chip was inserted into the lower part of his left ear! This chip not only tortured him by playing death metal and christmas classics but it made him unable to speak. Then thin slices of razor blades were inserted between his liver and urapoopilikeno causing sharp pains to travel through his hands every time he was near paper! Timothy is really the son of God’ [via Follow Me Here]
10 December 2000
[savile] Morrisey Investigates… Jimmy Saville. ‘The first recorded instance of this charming man Jimmy Saville was in 1765 when the local minister of the small village of Piddletrenthide in Dorset recorded ” a man claiming witchcraft” who said he could make all our dreams come true. He proceeded to light up a magic stick in his mouth – he called this witchcraft a “cigar” then gave each of us badges reading “Jim Hath Fixed It For Me?” We naturally tried to burn him at the stake but he managed to flee before we could catch him. It seems certain that this was Saville.’
19 November 2000
[wtf?] British tabloids are reporting the Queen wrung the neck of a wounded pheasant with her bare hands… ‘”Under the headline “The Killer Queen”, the Sunday Mirror published photographs which it said showed the Queen putting the bird out of its misery at the end of Saturday’s first pheasant shoot of the winter at Sandringham, a royal estate in Norfolk. “She killed the helpless creature with her bare hands while watching Prince Philip and guests blasting birds from the sky,” the Mirror’s tabloid stablemate, the Sunday People, said in its report.’
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25 October 2000
[file under WTF?] Came here searching for Scooby Porn? Check it out… LMG has high quality Buffy / Scooby-Doo fan-fiction porn links just for you! ‘Velma grinned at Daphne as she pulled her close for a kiss. Daphne wrapped her arms around Velma’s neck and moaned. Velma moved her kisses down to Daphne’s breasts as Daphne’s right hand moved between her legs to caress her clit. Velma moaned and opened her mouth to enclose Daphne’s breast. With her left hand, Daphne reached for the jar of peaches on the nightstand. She removed her hand long enough to open the jar, and Velma whimpered at her loss. Buffy turned to see Xander completely engrossed in the video. Funny, but watching naked cartoons roll around in bed together had given him an erection.’ [ Related Links: Disturbing Search Requests]
24 October 2000
[rubber bands] This is Bill — he has a magnificent obssession about rubber band balls…. ‘The guy who owns my corner market is building the world’s largest rubber band ball. You may think this is stupid, but he doesn’t think it is. He takes his work very seriously. I bring my friends by to look at it. It grows daily. He will tell you about how he is buying hundreds of dollars of rubber bands every week, how he is shooting for more than a thousand pounds, some sort of world record. The thing has got to be three feet across already, and four hundred pounds. You should see the guy sweat when he works on it.’ [via Yungee]
23 October 2000
[overheard] “I’ve seen bigger breasts on a pizza.” WTF?
19 October 2000
[history] Vaguely disturbing… Pictures of historical events done in the style of the Sims Computer game. [via Memepool]
12 October 2000
[wierd science] Human cloning. It’s going to happen — sooner than you think: Cult in first bid to clone human ‘The Raelians offered no proof that they had any of the medical skills required to clone, but they last year stated their ambition to make it happen and, according to impartial scientists, there is no longer any technical reason why they should not succeed.’ [via Robot Wisdom]
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