“Famed Fish Chef” Aldo Zilli: ‘You would boil it. You need the largest pot in the world. Boil it for 10 hours with lots of wine corks to tenderise the squid – and I don’t mean plastic corks, I mean cork corks – then leave it in the same water for five hours to cool down. Take it out, cut it up in small pieces – you’ll need a very, very, very sharp knife. Soak the tentacles separately in cold, salted water for a couple of hours, because that’s where the sand is. Boil those as well; red wine is a good source of tenderising, so use a couple of bottles of chianti and leave to rest in the juice. Take it out, cut it up, then sauté in garlic and chilli and serve with coriander and a nice sauvignon blanc.’

”There were these two men, sharing a railway carriage. They didn’t know each other. They just happened to be travelling together. One of the men had, resting in his lap, a cardboard box with holes punched in the top. After some time spent contemplating what might be inside his travelling companion’s box, the other man at last could not contain his curiosity. He said, “Excuse me, but I couldn’t help noticing your box. Does it contain some variety of animal?” The other man, though obviously surprised by this impertinent intrusion from a stranger, smiled politely as he answered, “You’re absolutely right. There is indeed a creature kept inside this box. And furthermore, I may reveal, the animal in question is a mongoose.”

The first man, who’d initiated the enquiry, was astonsihed by this revelation. Spluttering with surprise, he sought some further explanation of this certainly provocative disclosure made by his strange fellow-traveller. “A mongoose? Sir I must confess I had expected it to be perhaps a cat, or rabbit, not a creature so exotic and outlandish. The animal you mention so excites my curiosity that I must beg you, sir, to tell me more. Where are you bound with such a specimen, if I may be so bold?” The other man, who sat with the perforated box on his lap, shrugged wearily as he replied, “Well, it’s something of a personal matter, as it concerns a family tragedy. However, since I’m confident I may rely on your discretion, I suppose I don’t mind sharing my unfortunate account with you.”

“You see,” the man went on, “this sorry tale concerns my elder brother. He’s always been what I suppose you might refer to as the black sheep of the family. He has for many years indulged himself in a predictable and commonplace array of vices, of which the worst is his fondness for strong spirits. His drinking has progressed until he is now in the final stages of delerium tremens. My brother now sees serpents everywhere, which is the reason I am taking him this mongoose, that he may be rid of them.”

“Excuse me,” the other man interjected, looking puzzled, “But, these snakes your brother sees… aren’t they imaginary snakes?”

“Indeed,” his fellow traveller replied. “But this,” and here he gestured meaningfully to the perforated box set on his lap, “is an imaginary mongoose.”‘