13 January 2006
[funny] Jimmy Corrigan Condensed — Chris Ware parodies JC. [via BeaucoupKevin]
11 January 2006
[ukblogs] Call Centre Confidential Returns … ‘This is a new start and a chance to reinvent myself.’0
10 January 2006
[funny] David Hasselhoff is the AntiChrist … ‘He has even less musical talent than John Tesh… His television shows are unwatchable… and yet He’s one of the world’s most popular stars… how has He done it? I submit David Hasselhoff is the AntiChrist and I have the proof…’
8 January 2006
[movie] Viral Email: How Not to Drink a Flaming Sambuca (more…)
31 December 2005
[comics] Scans_Daily: Best Batman Joke. Ever.
19 December 2005
[stalking] Stalking for Beginners — a Howto guide on ruining someone’s life … ‘After he fell asleep, I took down all the phone numbers in his cell while hiding in the bathroom. Mom, Dad, Susan, Rita, Jeff, and some guy named “Coke Delivery.” Real subtle, dude. I went back to bed with him and murmured “I love you.” He moved away from me. Everything was working as planned. He was getting stalked.’ [via iamcal.com]
15 December 2005
[movies] Letters to Walken — amusing Christmas Letters to Christopher Walken … ‘Mr Walken, Please, will you come Dance at my Birthday Party?’ [via linkbunnies.org]
14 December 2005
[news] Suburb Lawyer Shoots Pirates — a North London Headline Crisis from Sashinka.
13 December 2005
[news] Cardiff Terrifies Me — headline posters from the South Wales Echo … ‘CARDIFF – Muslim Pupils in Sausage Roll Blunder’ [via Metafilter]
9 December 2005
[comics] Comic Book Habit — from Toothpaste for Dinner … ‘I found this comic book in your room… before this becomes a habit, I want you to think very carefully about this, and ask yourself if you want to get addicted…’ [via scans_daily]
29 November 2005
[comics] I’ll Thank You Not To Call My Collection Of Sequential-Art Erotica ‘Dirty Comics’ — a classic Onion: ‘…your familiarity with comics is so limited, you couldn’t identify Aquaman’s wife without recourse to the Justice League FAQ! To think I believed you capable of appreciating the works of the finest erotic artists working in the medium today!’
[celebs] Finding Stalking Billie Piper — a Blogger’s Odyssey in search of Billie Piper … ‘Previously: Triforce decides it wants to find Billie Biper. Uses Google. Tracks down approximate location. Decides to go drinking and find her. And keep her.’
28 November 2005
[bbc] BBC pulls plug on Dalek Lesbian Romp Flick — DVD pulled from eBay … ‘The director of Terry Nation’s estate, Tim Hancock, told the paper: “The reason the Daleks are still the most sinister thing in the universe is because they do not make things like porn. They weren’t ever intended to be sexual creatures. It’s simple, Daleks do not do porn.”‘
23 November 2005
[graffiti] The Writings on the Stall — website of writings found on toilet walls … ‘This toilet paper is like John Wayne. Tough as nails and don’t take shit off nobody.’
22 November 2005
[science] An Appraisal of the Utility of a Chocolate Teapot … ‘Events started to diverge from the course expected of a standard teapot in a very short timescale. The first evidence of loss of containment was observed at approximately T+5s, in the form of a major leak in the vicinity of the handle. By T+10s major structural failure was clearly in progress…’
29 October 2005
[web] The Always Amusing Euphemism Generator … ‘Like most guys his age, he wasn’t above whipping the donuts.’ [via The Daily Chump]
9 October 2005
[comics] Doctor Doom’s Top 10 Euphemisms for Sex — from Mike Sterling’s Progressive Ruin … ’10. “Unleashing the Doombots”‘
4 October 2005
[comics] General Zod – 2008 Presidential Candidate … ‘In 2008 I shall restore your dignity and make you servants worthy of my rule. This new government shall become a tool of my oppression. Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty. I only ask for your tribute, your lives, and your vote.’ [via Linkbunnies]
2 October 2005
[film] His ‘Secret’ Movie Trailer Is No Secret Anymore — NYT on the remixed Shining trailer … ‘The challenge? Take any movie and cut a new trailer for it — but in an entirely different genre. Only the sound and dialogue could be modified, not the visuals, he said. Mr. Ryang chose “The Shining,” Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 horror film starring Jack Nicholson and Shelley Duvall. In his hands, it became a saccharine comedy — about a writer struggling to find his muse and a boy lonely for a father. Gilding the lily, he even set it against “Solsbury Hill,” the way-too-overused Peter Gabriel song heard in comedies billed as life-changing experiences’
30 September 2005
[film] Shining Trailer — a new family film from Stanley Kubrick … ‘Sometimes… what we need the most is just around the corner.’
28 September 2005
[lists] McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: 7 Habits of Highly Successful People. [via Kottke’s Remaindered Links]
18 September 2005
[funny] British Comedians have their own version of the Aristocrats Joke — from b3ta.com … ‘A man walks into a talent agent’s office…’ [via Yoz]
30 August 2005
[cartoon] The ORIGINAL Illustrated Catalog Of ACME Products — suppliers of merchandise to Wile E. Coyote. ‘…from Ultimatum Dispatchers to Batman outfits, ACME has set the standard for excellence.’ [via Robot Wisdom]
5 August 2005
[religion] Obscenities Uttered by Jesus Christ … ‘Dad.’
2 August 2005
[books] Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2005 … Detective Winner: ‘Patricia wrote out the phrase ‘It was a dark and stormy night’ exactly seventy-two times, which was the same number of times she stabbed her now quickly-rotting husband, and the same number of pages she ripped out of ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ by Greg Behrendt to scatter around the room — not because she was obsessive compulsive, or had any sentimental attachment to the number seventy-two, but because she’d always wanted to give those quacks at CSI a hard time.’
31 July 2005
[history] Ancient Graffiti on the walls of Pompeii … ‘Watch it, you that shits in this place! May you have Jove’s anger if you ignore this.’ [via linkbunnies.org]
28 July 2005
[python] How accurate is Eric Idle’s Galaxy Song? … ‘Song: Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars. Comment: While there have been some estimates that are a bit higher than 100 billion stars, this is still a pretty good estimate.’ [via Badly Dubbed Boy]
15 July 2005
[maps] Google spots Jesus in Peruvian Sand Dune … ‘A quick phone call to Erich von Däniken confirmed our initial suspicions that the image was hewn from the sand by an ancient civilisation using hot air balloons and alien laser technology borrowed from the scientists of Atlantis. Either that or someone is projecting a picture of Charles Manson onto the desert from a low Earth orbit…’
5 July 2005
[tips] Londonist asks: Do We Need To Dry Clean? … ‘To maximise the length of time between launderings, air your clothes as much as possible, especially after being in a smoky pub. The posh cleaners Jeeves of Belgravia recommend hanging your clothes in the bathroom after you’ve taken a shower “to absorb the freshness.”‘
29 June 2005
28 June 2005
[grauniad] Guardian Readers Rob The Poor … ‘Our stereotype of Guardian readers is of well-educated, caring, middle-class people working in education or a caring profession or possibly the arts. They are likely to have a strong morality and unlikely to commit a crime or do anything actively nasty. They would like to think of themselves as the moral elite. In fact, most of us can get that slight swell of self-righteous pride by just spreading a copy of the Guardian over a big table with a large cup of Arabica coffee and some French croissants.’
24 June 2005
[music] When Noel Gallagher met David Walliams … On Liam and Peter Kay: ‘Liam hasn’t got a sense of humour, fucking full stop. Like with Peter Kay. If you’re a northern guy about our age, all the reference points are spot on – you can’t not like him. We were on the tour bus one night and somebody put a Peter Kay DVD on and I thought: “This is going to be a fucking disaster.” There’s a few Mancs in our crew and everyone was laughing their heads off. And Liam’s just sat there going: “He’s a fucking fat cunt, fucking shit, fucking fat idiot.” So he gets up to go to the bog and someone goes: “Why doesn’t he like Peter Kay?” Because he’d been to the NME Awards when Liam won a trophy for being hero of the year – and Liam wouldn’t go up and fucking collect it. He had on this big white fur coat. So Peter Kay brought his trophy over to him and went “Ere you are lad”. And as he walks off, he goes: “Me mam’s been looking for that coat.” Fucking uproar! I was laughing like fuck.’
20 June 2005
[tv] When Old People Attack — Mark Lawson on the Channel 4 documentary “Antisocial Old Buggers” … ‘Surrealism is a devalued currency in modern TV: every sitcom has its dream sequences, every sketch show its non-sequiturs. But Jan’s claim to have made the strangest speech ever heard on television rests on the fact that he seems to believe throughout that his comments are no-nonsense conversation. Discoursing on the state of the modern world, he suddenly says: “The worst thing of all is that pop song: If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? Well, for Christ’s sake, hold it against her! You see what I mean? There’s a sort of wetness that I do find tiresome.” The sound you hear is comic playwrights weeping.’
14 June 2005
[web] Is It Normal? — confirms by peer-review if your odd little habits are normal or not … Q: I shower at the night is that normal? A: Showering in the evening is a crime against God, and you shall surely burn in the fiery pits of Hell, heathen.
13 June 2005
[comics] Dave’s Long Box — well done comic review blog … ‘I’m going to review my comic book collection and you’re going to like it!’
10 June 2005
[pub] A Guide For The Un-Initated To Buying Guinness In An Irish Pub … ‘As you near the end of your pint, it is the custom to order another one. It is a well known fact that a bird does not fly on one wing.’ [via Kottke’s Links]
8 June 2005
[blog] In Passing — snippets of overheard conversations blogged … ‘Let me put it to you this way, bottom line: if any half of a Jerry Bruckheimer movie makes you cry, you are living a terrible life.’
22 May 2005
19 May 2005
[directions] The Way To Amarillo … ‘Catch flight from London Heathrow to Dallas Fort Worth Airport. Hire car at Dallas Fort Worth Airport.’
17 May 2005
[tech] You can’t escape those AOL CDs … ‘One of the questions AOL tech support asks when people call in complaining that they can’t get their AOL CD to work is, “Do you have a computer?” because so many people who don’t have computers stick the CD into their stereo or DVD player and can’t get it to work.’
6 May 2005
[ukelection] Robert Kilroy-Silk. Not a happy man, really — A picture of Robert Kilroy-Silk losing the Erewash Election. He got 2,957 votes.
27 April 2005
[funny] Wanted: A tall well-built woman … ‘But please only read lines 1, 3 and 5’
26 April 2005
[ads] London Review of Books Personal Ads … ‘The LRB’s own Son of Jor-El, stuck in the Phantom Zone of the personal ads for three years now. Reckon I could still lick anyone of you wusses. Man, 36. Alone. Tonight, and very possibly forever. Box no. 07/12’ [via Yoz]
13 April 2005
[comics] Unintentionally Sexual Comic Book Covers … ‘I can only imagine the condition of a society in which a comic featuring wet, well-trimmed, virile young man gazing romantically in a monkey’s eyes could be published without raising some serious red flags.’
6 April 2005
[ukelection05] Alastair Campbell’s Weblog — almost certainly fake … ‘Out getting eggs for R, C and G. Couldn’t help notice Britney Spears has a perfume out. Was tempted but don’t think Fiona would be too happy. Or Tony!! He prefers Christina Aguilera.’
24 March 2005
[funny] Cillit Bang Remix … ‘Limescale. Rust. Ground-in Dirt.’ [Related: Another Remix]
8 February 2005
[buy] Cocoon for Men … ‘It’s a big scary world out there, full of responsibilities, difficult situations and death. But you simply don’t want to face it. If you’d rather have kids toys delivered direct to your door and spend your weekends playing with remote controlled AV technology, you’ve come to the right place!’
23 January 2005
[religion] I have an Image of Jesus on my Penis — amusing posting on Craig’s List … ‘My girlfriend is a devout Christian, who, when she first saw this apparition, dropped to her knees, exclaiming, “Jesus Christ”, which I at first arrogantly misinterpreted as an exaggerated compliment on my manhood. Needless to say, I was more than a little disappointed to learn the true reason for her impulsive ejaculation. She has now taken to worshiping daily at this makeshift “shrine”, which is OK, I suppose, but she no longer wants to have sex with me for fear of offending the real Jesus. She even brought her entire womens’ church group over…’
17 January 2005
[funny] Some Amusing Classified Ads …
Update: Sick Children, Genocide and other Funny Stuff — a number of readers have pointed out these ads were created by Jimmy Carr — I got them from a viral email doing the rounds … ‘The “other stuff” section of this year’s show sees Carr read from small ads that he has placed in various unsuspecting buying-and-selling publications. “They’re just quirky little things,” he says. ” ‘For sale: bonsai tree – large.’ There’s another advert in which I’m selling some rubber sheets for £40; £45 clean. Which is quite funny, but I’m doing that in the watersports section of Loot, which I think is a joy.”‘
Update: Sick Children, Genocide and other Funny Stuff — a number of readers have pointed out these ads were created by Jimmy Carr — I got them from a viral email doing the rounds … ‘The “other stuff” section of this year’s show sees Carr read from small ads that he has placed in various unsuspecting buying-and-selling publications. “They’re just quirky little things,” he says. ” ‘For sale: bonsai tree – large.’ There’s another advert in which I’m selling some rubber sheets for £40; £45 clean. Which is quite funny, but I’m doing that in the watersports section of Loot, which I think is a joy.”‘
9 January 2005
[flash] The Duel — Duelling Banjos as performed by a squirel and a penguin. Co-starring some pigs, the Dukes of Hazzard, the RSPCA and a cameo appearance by Burt Reynolds.