linkmachinego.com

7 June 2007
[comics] We Must Expand Our Nuclear Power Program If We’re To Realize Our Dream Of Superhero Mutants — from The Onion‘We say we are committed to science, but where are the halls of justice, filled with governing councils of serum-created superpatriots, part-android teenagers, and scantily clad femaliens sworn to protect us?’ [via Neilalien]
6 June 2007
[lolcats] Schrödinger’s Lolcat‘in ur quantum box… maybe’ [via Minor 9th]
4 June 2007
[lolcats] Roll Your Own LOL, Not Just For Cats Anymore — some funny examples of lolcats mutations … ‘no cry, albino’
25 May 2007
[comics] Blogdok — Modok (Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing) has a blog… ‘Greetings, tiny-headed comic book (finger quotes) “FANATICS!” This is MODOK speaking! Refreshing your pitiful web browser is futile. Futile, I tell you!!! After many long decades of plotting (and calculating) silently in the shadows, I, MODOK!, have decided to take over the Interweb…’ [via Warren Ellis]
24 May 2007
[funny] The Philolsophers Pool‘eckzistenshulizm. chix dig it’ [again via mondo a-go-go]
23 May 2007
[funny] loltheorists: Thus Spake Zarathustra‘god iz ded. lol’ [via mondo a-go-go]
22 May 2007
[funny] Funny List of Colemanballs… A Colemanball from Pat Glenn (a Weightlifting Commentator): ‘This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing.’ [via Informationally Overloaded]
18 May 2007
[books] Spoof Amazon Customer Reviews for Richard Littlejohn’s New Book: ‘After reading this searing deconstruction of our liberal, permissive society, I was almost blind with rage. And so I followed Littlejohnson’s example and did the only thing open to a red-blooded, patriotic Briton: I buggered off to America. Luckily, before I left I went out speeding one last time and managed to run over an immigrant, who I believe was also homosexual – as is my God-given right as an Englishman. God bless you, Littlejohnson, God bless you.’ [via qwghlm.co.uk]
17 May 2007
[lolcats] im in ur ambulances breathing ur oxygen

im in ur ambulances breathing ur oxygen
(click here for Tom Reynolds original blog post)

10 May 2007
[ebay] 18 Things You Didn’t Know You Could Find on Ebay‘Find Womens Sweat on eBay.’
7 May 2007
[comics] 16 Panels That I Don’t Think Work All That Well … following on from Wally Wood. [via Do You Feel Loved]

a photo statted crowd scene

6 May 2007
[funny] The Brain of Britain — amusing cutaway of what is in the brain of an Englishman … ‘BACKBONE!’
29 April 2007
[tv] Fallen Madonna to go to New Buyer‘An auction of The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies – the picture made famous by BBC sitcom ‘Allo ‘Allo – has raised more than £4,000 for charity […] Mr Moore, from Thame, said many other copies of the picture, by fictional artist Van Clomp, were ruined during shooting of the series. “They were rolled into German sausages, shoved down trouser legs, or singed by an exploding gilded frame intended as a gift for Adolf Hitler,” he said.’
27 April 2007
[comics] Frank Miller and Jeff Smith’s All-Star Shazam

All-Star Shazam (not)

22 April 2007
[funny] Biblical Curse Generator‘I pray thou shalt be mocked by eunuchs, thou child of Jezebel!’
21 April 2007
[tv] The MacGyver Multi-Tool‘The only tool you’ll ever need…’ [via Clipmarks]
9 April 2007
[self-help] Ask Metafilter: What is the dumbest, funniest, most peculiar piece of advice you have ever found in a self-help book?‘From the worst ‘How To’ book on screenwriting ever written (“How to Write a Movie in 21 days” by Viki King): WEAR YOUR LUCKY SOCKS.’
6 April 2007
[comics] Top 15 Unintentionally Funny Comic Book Panels — great list including some I’ve blogged before. Includes this classic panel:

image of the atom, flash, green lantern and batman

5 April 2007
[comics] Are People really that anxious to see Lois get spanked?!? — amusing collection of letters from Superman comics in the Sixties … ‘Dear Editor, Everybody keeps asking for a story in which Lois gets a super-spanking. You keep saving Lois from a well deserved thrashing by saying SUPERMAN is a gentleman and would never hit a lady. Well I KNOW he’s a gentleman. But what about a story in which SUPERMAN meets up with RED Kryptonite…’
3 April 2007
[tv] Peepshow Series 1-3 Catch Up — Peep Show summarised by Super Hans‘Frosties are just cornflakes for people who can’t face reality.’ [via As Above]
29 March 2007
[tv] Quotes from the Batman TV Series … Batman: ‘A reporter’s lot is not easy, making exciting stories out of plain, average, ordinary people like Robin and me.’ [via linkbunnies.org]
26 March 2007
[twitter] Qwghlm wonders: What would it be like if The Hindenberg Disaster was Twittered?


25 March 2007
[religion] The Atheist’s Greatest Nightmare… the Banana. [thanks Phil]
19 March 2007
[tv] Jack Bauer’s Twitter‘Can anyone recommend a good hand lotion? Conditions when I was in China were just torture on my skin.’
16 March 2007
[blogs] Shaggy Blog Stories — Mike at Troubled Diva has succeeded in publishing a collection of funny blog stories for Comic Relief in a week. Buy a copy Here‘Make no mistake: this is one absolute BELTER of a book: a showcase of British Blogging at its finest. Most of the entries, and indeed many of the submissions which didn’t make it to press, have made me laugh out loud. Sometimes, I have been in stitches. Yes, that might have been simple hysteria. But never has hysteria felt so sweet.’


13 March 2007
[comic] Everything I needed to Learn About Comics I Learned from Arnold Drake’14. Monocles Always Work’
12 March 2007
[comics] Captain America Killed — amusing Onion Vox Pop… ‘Yet another intelligence failure by S.H.I.E.L.D.. How many more screwups must we endure before Bush fires Executive Director Nicholas Fury?’
7 March 2007
[funny] 100% of SCIENCE!: How Pikey is The Dorchester?‘The experiment comprises the depositing of a small denomination coin in the gentlemen’s urinal of said carefully chosen establishment, and measuring how much time passes before the coin is removed.’
5 March 2007
[comics] Matt Murdock is a Dick … the infamous moment when Matt Murdock drops a kid down a lift shaft in Daredevil #209 …

matt murdock kicks a kid down a lift

28 February 2007
[funny] Vita Radium Suppositories (for restoring Sex Power) … ‘Recommended for sexually weak men who, however, should use the NU-MAN Tablets in connection for best results. Also splendid for piles and rectal sores.’
25 February 2007
[motions] Correct Position for Opening your Bowels — It looks really complicated – Is the footrest really neccessary? :) [via Kottke]
21 February 2007
[tv] 50 funniest Homer Simpson Quotes‘I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.’ [via Limbicnutrition Weblog]
17 February 2007
[religion] Amusing Science vs. Faith Flowchart. [via bojo.org]
12 February 2007
[funny] Ze Frank on Procrastination‘You might experience a whole career to put off building meaningful relationships and finding an inner sense of self worth.’
11 February 2007
[nude] Top 10 Naked People on Google Earth‘This person thinks they have privacy on this rooftop (haven’t they seen Enemy of the State?), and they’re definitely topless! (Sex unknown of course, but topless nevertheless.)’ [via linkbunnies.org]
9 February 2007
[comics] Stupid Comics on British Girls Annuals‘These comics aren’t all fun and games. Real-world problems and issues were sometimes dealt with in a frank and open fashion, uncompromising and stark, facing society’s problems head on. For instance… Sometimes, sometimes Daddy buys you a pony, and that pony is SO mischevious and fun-loving that it becomes embarrassing at equestrian events! A real-world problem that many British teenage girls wished they faced.’ [via qwghlm]
8 February 2007
[apple] Are you a Mark or a Jez? — some photoshopping of Apple’s Peep Show Adverts‘Let’s be honest – I’m a bit of a twat. Guess which computer I am?’ [via linkbunnies.org]
6 February 2007
[comics] The Four Types of Bat-Conflict … [via BeaucoupKevin]
5 February 2007
[apple] Charlie Brooker: I Hate Macs‘So when you see the ads, you think, “PCs are a bit rubbish yet ultimately lovable, whereas Macs are just smug, preening tossers.” In other words, it is a devastatingly accurate campaign. I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don’t use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.’

charlie brooker on hating macs surrounded by mitchell & webb

28 January 2007
[politics] Downing Street E-Petitions: We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to replace the national anthem with ‘Gold’ by Spandau Ballet‘What we specifically want to see, is that the National Anthem be changed in favour of “Gold” by Spandau Ballet. Further, we would like our National Olympic Committee to decree that Tony Hadley is the only person permitted to handle medal ceremonies where the National Anthem is played. We don’t mind what he wears when he does this, but preference is given towards a a gold colured suit.’ [thanks Phil]
15 January 2007
[evolution] External testicles proves ‘unintelligent design’‘”The religious right are always harping on about so-called ‘Intelligent Design’ but both the irrational and rational response has to be ‘bollocks’,” said anti-creationism campaigner Sean Duff. “Why would anyone intelligent put something as sensitive as testicles in a little sack on the outside? Surely this proves the concept of ‘Unintelligent Design’?”
14 January 2007
[funny] Courage award for man who threw out old computer cables‘‘We were stunned’ said Whitesmith. ‘There was a curly off-white cable with like, a round five pronged little plug on one end and a square blue plastic bit on the other. That must have been essential for something. And the redundant phone chargers might have worked as a back-up charger for another mobile phone that he might purchase in the future. It was madness.” [via Linkbunnies.org]
12 January 2007
[religion] Top 100 Funies Say The Darndest Things Quotes!‘I appreciate your recommendation, and it is intriguing, but as a pro-lifer, I cannot support an organization that is opposed to the death penalty.’
8 January 2007
[funny] Concepts Replaced by Grinning Faces? This is not Dumbing Down – it’s Dizzying Madness — another great column from Charlie Brooker‘Under this system, Schindler’s List = Vicky Pollard.’
26 December 2006
[xmas] A News of the World Christmas — from Pandemian.
20 December 2006
[fun] Warning Signs from the Future … [via Warren Ellis]

warning sign from the future - lack of internet connectivity

19 December 2006
[xmas] Professor Richard Dawkins Speaks at Fair Hills Kindergarten Regarding Santa Claus — a ‘short imagined monologue’ from McSweeneys‘I can see that the topic makes many of you uncomfortable. However, this should not be viewed as a bad thing. You may weep now, but your tears are a positive, not a negative. You are now facing the truth, which comes in many forms and is not always comfortable. This is a fact that you will be exposed to again and again throughout your lives. If you wish to live a life that contains only comfortable information and not necessarily the truth, then yours will be a highly deluded existence. Your intellectual maturity depends on whether or not you are capable of accepting the truth at this early age. That is why there is no better place to begin than with the absurdity that is Santa Claus and Christmas Magic.’ [via Kottke’s Remaindered Links]
13 December 2006
[rumours] The 40 Best Celebrity Rumors Ever … On Richard Gere and Gerbils: ‘…none of Gere’s interviewers have had the guts to go there, or maybe there’s some kind of publicist-issued fatwa, but Gere has never publicly addressed the rumor. Would you?’
4 December 2006
[tv] Charlie Brooker: When it comes to Psychics, my Stance is Hardcore: they must Die Alone in Windowless Cells.
2 December 2006
[life] ‘Our two poos have combined…’ — Jon Ronson reporting from the toilets on a RyanAir Flight. ‘…here in the toilet, I have an epiphany. “If there’s someone waiting outside,” I think, “I’m going to hold the door open for them!” I nod to myself and open the door. There’s a man standing there. “Here you are!” I say cheerfully. Together, we glance at the space I’m welcoming him into – a tiny, brown, disgusting cubicle. He furrows his brow, slightly taken aback, and enters. I cram myself back in my seat. “That was a nice and well-balanced thing for me to do,” I think.’ [Related: Out Of The Ordinary: True Tales Of Everyday Craziness on Amazon]