[funny] Arty Bollocks Generator … Create an instant artistic mission statement with no effort … ‘My work explores the relationship between acquired synesthesia and emotional memories. With influences as diverse as Wittgenstein and John Lennon, new synergies are crafted from both simple and complex meanings…’
[tags: Funny][permalink][Comments Off on The Arty Bollocks Generator]
[tv] The Most Stupid Quiz Answer Ever? … ‘Andrew and Vanessa – the contestants in question – had been doing so well in the Channel 4 game show. But then came the fateful Bannister question. In 1954, did he go into space, run a sub-four minute mile or become the first man ever to put the toilet seat down? Andrew and Vanessa ummed. They ahhed. Then, out of nowhere, Andrew had a breakthrough. Eyes burning with pure knowledge, he shouted “I think I’ve seen ‘Bannister’ written on a toilet!” Vanessa was more cautious, wailing “Who KNOWS this?” before eventually agreeing on the toilet thing as well.’
[tags: Funny, TV][permalink][Comments Off on The Most Stupid Quiz Answer Ever?]
[royals] Friday April 29, 2011: A time to clean the fridge … ‘It is a moment in history when a nation united by not being at work and a lack of normal television will stand up, chests inflated with pride, and say ‘I might as well have a go at the fridge. Does nan want a cup of tea while I’m up?’ Remember it well, that you might share with future generations the fond memory of its cleaning-based magic.’
[tags: Funny, Royalty][permalink][Comments Off on Tomorrow – A Time To Clean The Fridge]
[tags: Funny, Politics][permalink][Comments Off on Real Nick Clegg Found Chained In Conservative Party Basement]
15 March 2011
[funny] Unreliably Witnessed: ‘A banker, a Daily Mail reader and a benefit claimant are sitting at a table sharing 12 biscuits…’
[tags: Funny, Politics][permalink][Comments Off on A banker, a Daily Mail reader and a benefit claimant are sitting at a table sharing 12 biscuits…]
11 March 2011
[movies] Behold: The Nicolas Cage Matrix … ‘Cage more than anyone has two distinct types of movie: serious, po-faced, issue movies and balls-out, crack-piped, bug-eyed brainwrongs.’ [via A Smursh Of Pete]
Lucheon. Prolific as ever, we masturbated onto a stamp while soup simmered. Food: adequate. Stamp: no longer usable in any practical sense.Mon Jan 24 15:21:17 via Mobile WebGilbert & George artfortwats
[guardian] Their Questions Answered … a blog that attempts to answer the rhetorical questions posed on the letters page of the Guardian Weekend magazine every week … ‘No rhetorical questions were posed in the Letters page of the Guardian Weekend magazine, Saturday 15 January 2011. As a result we are going to spend the next week reassessing our lives and purposes.’
There are many different ways to cook eggs but most of them are purely of interest to invalids, children and the feeble-minded. The correct or ‘proper English egg’ is fried with lightly browned edges in the fat left over from the bacon. At the last minute, oil is flicked over the top of the yolk to seal it. This dangerous procedure causes the yolk to form a perfect, golden, viscid capsule, the violation of which with a rough shard of toast, is the nearest that an Englishman will permit himself to unbridled sexual ecstasy.
[tags: Food, Funny][permalink][Comments Off on How An Englishman Cooks Breakfast]
[tags: Funny, TV, War][permalink][Comments Off on Christmas Night Fail — Nazi Collaborators All Nighter!]
19 December 2010
[funny] Study: Women Always Answer Their Phones Unless They’re Having Great Sex With Someone Else … ‘The study emphasized that while women who failed to answer the phone were almost unquestionably with someone else enjoying the most volcanic sensual escapade they’d ever had, there was also the possibility that they were busy gazing deeply into another man’s eyes, knowing and feeling a type of love they had never known or felt before.’
[tags: Funny, Life][permalink][Comments Off on The Onion On Women And Phones]
13 December 2010
[comics] “YRUBB ORUTOO DA YREEMB UYON – – KRYPTONIU EWYRR!” … Mike Sterling on Kryptonian: ‘I suppose, once I have a spare decade and a complete collection of Superman comics, I can catalog the different ways Kryptonian has been represented over the years. Then I can finally fulfill my dream of opening a Kryptonian language camp for underprivileged children, and we can compete with the Klingon language camp across the lake… but perhaps I’ve said too much.’
[comics] The Twitter Hulks … Kottke surveys the Hulks on Twitter …‘HULK WEIGH OVER 1 TONNE. HULK KISS ANYONE HULK WANTS TO. HULK WORRIES ABOUT EDITORIAL OVERSIGHT AT MARIE CLAIRE.’ (Cross-dressing Hulk)
[comics] Scientists Confirm Existence of ‘Kirby Krackle’ … ‘Scientists have made an incredible breakthrough in the study of antimatter that yielded the first ever creation and capture of antihydrogen, which looks almost exactly like the ubiquitous “Kirby Krackle” visual effect innovated by the legendary comics artist many decades ago.’
[funny] Forensic Homeopathologist Offers Police ‘Alternative’ Evidence, Suspects … ‘[Yates] will admit, though, that forensic homeopathology has its limits and that some cases are beyond its reach. ‘In those cases, I would recommend aroma-inquiry with perhaps a course of Naturopathy to enhance the crime’s ability to solve itself.”
[funny] First they came for the quangos … Diamond Geezer on the UK Government’s Spending Review … ‘Then they came for something fundamental,
And I did not speak out because “we simply can’t afford it”.’
[comics] Super-Hero Hoarders: The 7 Biggest Pack-Rats In Comics … ‘Some hoarders are marked not just by the objects they have stuffed away into their own personal Fortress of Hoarditudes, but also by the extreme lengths they’ll go to to acquire them, and nobody — nobody — goes quite as far as Superman himself. Dumpster diving is one thing, but actual diving to the bottom of the ocean so that you can retrieve the wreckage of the Titanic and rebuild it in your living room? Sure there’s nothing else you could be doing with your time there, Clark?’
“As an alien superbeing. I have little time for the primitive biological urge you lesser evolved beings call sex.” – Tharg the MightySun Sep 26 17:09:31 via web2000AD Daily Quote 2000ADailyQuote
[tags: Funny, TV][permalink][Comments Off on The Origin Of The Captain Pugwash / Seaman Stains / Master Bates Meme]
7 September 2010
[joke] How many SEO experts does it take to change a light bulb, lightbulb, light, bulb, lamp, lighting, switch, sex, xxx, hardcore? [twitter]
[tags: Funny, Internet][permalink][Comments Off on How Many SEO Experts Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?]
1 September 2010
[funny] Go Look: 10 Photos Capturing Moments of Spontaneous Badassery [Page 1 | Page 2] … ‘He’s practically a goddamn action figure up there: He comes complete with Uzi (mid-cock), Italian wingtips and a mustache made out of revenge.’ [click for the photo]
[tags: Funny, Life][permalink][Comments Off on 10 Photos Capturing Moments of Spontaneous Badassery]
27 August 2010
[funny] Hungover Owls … “Give me… give me like… five… five minutes. Jesus.” [via qwghlm]
[comics] The Top 10 Most Awesome Moments of Luke Cage: Power Man … ‘That is the greatest panel in the history of Luke Cage. It might be the greatest panel in the history of Dr. Doom, and I’d go so far as to say that there’s a good chance it’s the best panel in Marvel Comics history.’ [the panel]
[tags: Comics, Funny][permalink][Comments Off on The Top 10 Most Awesome Moments of Luke Cage: Power Man]
