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25 August 2007
[apple] Fake Steve on Scotland’s First Apple Store: ‘All joking aside: Scots, I know you’re a restless and angry people at heart, but let’s try to keep it peaceful, bokay? It’s what our brand is about. We’re all about peace and love and staying Zen. Negative people upset us. But if you can get in a few kicks on some filthy bastard Microsoft fans, and nobody sees you, well, no harm no foul as they say, and you will, in fact, be restoring a sense of childlike wonder to my life.’
1 July 2007
[iphone] Wait in Line like Everyone Else, you Traitorous Bastard — Fake Steve Jobs on Steve Wozniak … ‘He lifts my brand name and calls his book iWoz. Then he comes sniffing around looking for a free iPhone. Forget it, Captain Segway. Look. You did some nice work — back in the seventies. To put it another way, the last time you did any real work, Styx was still selling out arenas. Bokay?’
29 June 2007
[iphone] 29 June 2007: The Day the World Changed — Fake Steve Jobs rallies the troops … ‘To those of you who serve under me at Apple, I say this: Yes, I have berated you, and insulted you, and exasperated you. Yes, I’ve fired your friends for no reason, and made you work harder than you ever thought you could work. Yes, I’ve taken you away from your spouses, your children, your transgendered domestic partners. In some cases your devotion to me has cost you your marriages. You’ve sacrificed a great deal for this. But has it not been worth it? For the rest of your life, you’ll be able to say that you were working at Apple when the iPhone was introduced. You were here on the day when the course of human history was changed forever. Plus, you’ll get a free 4-gigabyte iPhone, at $500 value. Not bad, right?’
1 April 2007
[blogs] Real interview with Fake Steve Jobs … ‘You know this one time when I was at Reed and really experimenting with acid, we did some 4-way acid but we didn’t realize it was 4-way so we each took a whole hit — which turned out to be a quadruple dose. And I swear during that trip I imagined the iPod for the first time. This was the early 70s. Actually I imagined a little teeny tiny record player that you could carry with you. But that’s basically what a hard disk is. I think.’
24 July 2006
[apple] The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs, Aged 51 1/2 … ‘Dude, I invented the friggin iPod, okay? Have you heard of it?’ [thanks Phil]
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